Eight habits of people with high emotional intelligence

Eight habits of people with high emotional intelligenceEight habits of people with high emotional intelligenceWhen emotional intelligence first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into what many people had always assumed was the sole source of success- IQ. Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack.How much of an impact does emotional intelligence (EQ) have on your professional success? The short answer is a lot Its a powerful way to focus your energy in one direction with a tremendous result. Of all the people weve studied at work, weve found that 90% of top performers have high EQs. You can be a top performer without emotional intelligence, but the chances are slim.Emotional intelligence is the something in each of us that is a bit intan gible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results. Emotional intelligence is made up of four core skills that pair up under two primary competencies personal competence and social competence.Personal competencecomprises your self-awareness and self-management skills, which focus more on you individually than on your interactions with other people. Personal competence is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies.Self-Awarenessis your ability to accurately perceive your emotions and stay aware of them as they happen.Self-Managementis your ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and positively direct your behavior.Social competenceis made up of your social awareness and relationship management skills social competence is your ability to understand other peoples moods, behavior, and motives in order to respond effectively and improve the quality of your relationships.Social Awarenessis your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on.Relationship Managementis your ability to use awareness of your emotions and the others emotions to manage interactions successfully.Despite the significance of emotional intelligence, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know which behaviors you should emulate. So Ive analyzed the data from the million-plus peopleTalentSmarthas tested in order to identify the habits that set high-EQ people apart.Theyre relentlessly positive.Keep your eyes on the news for any length of time, and youll see that its just one endless cycle of war, violent attacks, fragile economies, failing companies, and environmental disasters. Its easy to think the world is headed downhill fast. And who knows? Maybe it is. But emotionally intelligent people dont worry about that because they dont get caught up in things they cant control. They focus their energy on directing the two things that are completely within their power- their attention and their effort. Numerous studies have shown that optimists are physically and psychologically healthier than pessimists. They also perform better at work. Remind yourself of this the next time a negative train of thought takes hold of you.They have a robust emotional vocabulary.All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36% of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions. People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling bad, emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel irritable, frustrated, downtrodden, or anxious. The more specific your word ch oice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.Theyre assertive.People with high EQs balance good manners, empathy, and kindness with the ability to assert themselves and establish boundaries. This tactful combination is ideal for handhabung conflict. When most people are crossed, they default to passive or aggressive behavior. Emotionally intelligent people remain balanced and assertive by steering themselves away from unfiltered emotional reactions. This enables them to neutralize difficult and toxic people without creating enemies.Theyre curious about other people.It doesnt matter if theyre introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what theyre going through, the more curiosity youre going to have about them.Theyforgive, but they dontforget.Emotionally intelligent people live by the motto Fool me once, shame on you fool me twice, shame on me. They forgive in order to prevent a grudge, but they never forget. The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Holding on to that stress can have devastating health consequences, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. However, offering forgiveness doesnt mean theyll give a wrongdoer anotlageher chance. Emotionally intelligent people will not be bogged down by mistreatment from others, so they quickly let things go and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.They wont let anyone limit their joy.When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that theyve done, they wont let anyones opinions or accomplishments take that awa y from them. While its impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you dont have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take peoples opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain- youre never as good or bad as they say you are.They are difficult to offend.If you have a firm grasp of whom you are, its difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded, which creates a pretty thick skin.They quash negative self-talk.A big step in developing emotional intelligence involves stopping negative self-talk in its tracks. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. fruchtwein of our negative thoughts are just that- thoughts, not facts. You can stop the negative and pessimistic things yo ur inner voice says by writing them down. Once youve taken a moment to slow down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed in evaluating their veracity. You can bet that your statements arent true any time you use words such as never, worst, and ever. If your statements still look like facts once theyre on paper, take them to a friend and see if he or she agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out.Bringing It All TogetherUnlike your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, your brain builds the pathways needed to make them into habits. Before long, you will begin responding to your surroundings with emotional intelligence without even having to think about it. And as your brain reinforces the use of new behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors will die off.Travis Bradberryis the award-winning co-author of the 1 bestselling book,Em otional Intelligence 2.0,and the cofounder ofTalentSmart.This column first appeared on LinkedIn.